i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
