omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
