the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize