There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My penis needs a shock collar
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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