Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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