i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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