and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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