im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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