I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
