if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
