yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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