i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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