not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
