I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
