I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
