I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize