i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
