At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
