Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
