I think I died a long time ago.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
