I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
