please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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