i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
