Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
