yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
