My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
