All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
