Will you blow on my dice?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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