he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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