I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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