hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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