I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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