i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
