I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i may or may not be watching the land before time
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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