Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
