Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
