I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
