somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize