My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
