every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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