very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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