today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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