i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
