there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
