I wish I only lived at night.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
