Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You can't motorboat a personality
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
