just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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