you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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