Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
