forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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