I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
