Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
