you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
