I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
