its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
