:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
