I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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