Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
